Torture Show
by Swiftfire102
Summary: This show tortures any warrior you ask so R&R.
1. Intro

"Weeeeeeeeelcome to the Torture Show and I'm your host Swiftfire.I'll torture any cat you ask so please review."


	2. Lionblaze

Swiftfire: First I'll need Lionblaze.

(Lionblaze randomly appears)

Lionblaze: Where am I and who are you?

Swiftfire: You're on the Torture Show and I'm Swiftfire. Hmmm...I'll need my sister Spottedfire for this.

(Spottedfire randomly appears)

Spottedfire: What do you want I have kits to care for remember.

Swiftfire: Sorry sis but I need you for this dare.

Spottedfire: Oh yeah the Torture Show.*grins evilly*

Lionblaze: I'm scared.

Swiftfire: Good...for us not you, Spottedfire would you read the dare for us.

Spottedfire: Sure, Lionblaze you must have kits with Heathertail and Poppyfrost and tell them after the kits are born that you have kits with another she-cat.

Lionblaze: Do you want me to get clawed apart?

Spottedfire and Swiftfire: *exchange a guilty glance*

Swiftfire: If I said yes would you run away?

Lionblaze: Yes

Spottedfire: You know if you try to run away we'll claw you apart.

Lionblaze: You're both evil she-cats.

Swiftfire: Thanks but flattery will get you nowhere.

Spottedfire: Yep you're still going to do the dare.

Lionblaze: If I don't?

Swiftfire: We'll kill you.

Spottedfire: *unsheathes claws*

Lionblaze: does dare

TWO MONTHS LATER

Heathertail: *has two tiny kits*

Lionblaze: The kits are beautiful but I had kits with Poppyfrost too.

Heathertail: WHAT!!!!!!? *claws Lionblaze apart*

Swiftfire: Wow

Spottedfire: That was cool.

Swiftfire: I didn't think she'd be that evil.

(Brings Lionblaze back to life and setting turns into the ThunderClan nursery)

Poppyfrost:*has three kits*

Lionblaze: The kits are cute but I had kits with Heathertail.

Poppyfrost: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*claws Lionblaze apart grabs his heart and shreds it*

Swiftfire: And I thought Heathertail was evil.

Spottedfire: Heathertail wasn't even close.

Spottedfire and Swiftfire: see ya next week!


	3. Firestar

Swiftfire: Sorry guys my sister has to take care of her kits and baby-sit mine so today assisting me today is my other sister Icepool.

(Icepool randomly appears)

Icepool:*looks around and spots Swiftfire* Swiftfire really

Swiftfire: Yes really now read the dare, wait first tell me who I need.

Icepool: Firestar

(Firestar randomly appears)

Firestar: oh no Lionblaze told me about you.

Swiftfire:*smiles evilly* yes and you must hit on Dustpelt

Icepool: my line

Swiftfire: ahem hostess

Icepool:*rolls eyes*

Firestar:*runs up to Dustpelt* you're hot wanna make out? *crazily kisses Dustpelt*

Swiftfire: weird

Icepool: You're sure he's not gay.

Swiftfire: Well he does have kits with Sandstorm.

Icepool: That doesn't mean a cat can't turn gay.

Swiftfire and Icepool:*waves* see ya next week!


	4. Scourge

Swiftfire: Sorry people Spottedfire is still baby-sitting and Icepool caught blackcough (worse form of greencough). So I've got to call my best friend Wingshadow

(Wingshadow randomly appears)

Wingshadow: Hey Swiftfire what's up on the Torture Show?

Swiftfire: Nothing except you're my co-hostess for today

Wingshadow: Sure I can do that.

Swiftfire: Now tell me, who shall we torture today?

Wingshadow:*grabs random card* Scourge.

Swiftfire: Now this will be cool.

(Scourge randomly appears)

Scourge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *curls up in fetal position and cries*

Swiftfire: If you don't stop crying and do the dare I will shoot you with a bazooka.

Scourge: What's the dare?

Swiftfire: *holding bazooka* Crap, I wanted to shoot him. *puts bazooka away*

Wingshadow: Scourge, you must worship a god named Unicron and see how everyone reacts.

Scourge: Never!

Swiftfire: Do you want to die? *unsheathes claws and looks for bazooka*

Scourge: Fine I'll do the dare.

Swiftfire: Yes you will, at a gathering!

(Setting changes to gathering including BloodClan)

Scourge: Hey everybody I worship a god named Unicron!!

RiverClan, ThunderClan, ShadowClan, and WindClan: laughing

BloodClan: *cutting themselves with razor blades and dying*

Swiftfire: Awesome!!!

Wingshadow: Sometimes I worry about you Swiftfire.

Wingshadow and Swiftfire:*waves* see ya next week!!


	5. Swiftfire

**Icanhazlolcatsplz is you are a girl please tell me.**

Swiftfire: AAarrrgg! There's no one who can host with me at the moment so I have to look through these crappy applications*looks through applications*Here's someone decent.

(Black tom with white paws randomly appears)

Swiftfire: Hello Icewind welcome to the Torture show.

Icewind: Finally you got my application!

Swiftfire: Actually I've had your application for the last two weeks I just didn't feel like reading it.

Icewind: Okay I'll just read the dare.

Swiftfire: Who's it for?

Icewind:*grabs random card, reads it, and looks confused* It's a dare for you.

Swiftfire: Well read it.

Icewind: Well you must become fat and lazy.

Swiftfire: What no I'm a warrior! Warriors aren't fat and lazy.

Icewind: The punishment is marrying me.

Swiftfire: I can always get the extra weight off.

Icewind: Is marrying me really that bad?

Swiftfire: I'm doing this for you I already have a mate.

TWO MONTHS LATER

Swiftfire*is super fat*

Icewind: Swiftfire the show's back on.

Swiftfire: First bring that tread mill over here.

Icewind:*pushes tread mill to Swiftfire*

Swiftfire*Runs on tread mill*

TWO HOURS LATER

Swiftfire*back to original size* who gave me that dare Icewind?

Icewind: Icanhazlolcatsplz

Swiftfire: I'm going to track him down and kill him*tracks Icanhazlolcatsplz down, unsheathes claws, and kills him.

Icewind: You scare me Swiftfire.

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Swiftfire: We'll do another dare

Icewind: It's another dare for you Swiftfire.

Swiftfire: What now?

Icewind: You have to call yourself the Waspinator and speak in third person.

Swiftfire: punishment?

Icewind: Having kits with Scourge.

Swiftfire: *faints, revives, runs into a room, and appears with a wasp-patterned cape* Waspinator shall protect all who need protection.

Icewind: Are you having fun?

Waspinator: Waspinator hates this dare but Waspinator won't have kits with evil Scourge.

Icewind: I love this dare.

Waspinator: Waspinator will kill you.*kills Icewind* No co-host? *brings Icewind back to life *

Swiftfire: I'm ending this dare now the day's over anyway

Icewind: That's fine with me.

Swiftfire and Icewind:*waves* see ya next week.

If you want to find these stories by myself you can also find me at www. booksie .com as Swansong102


	6. Ashfur

Swiftfire: Welcome back to the Torture Show and since I was almost sued last week for mental scarring I will state that we are not responsible.

Icewind: Yes that's right if you are experiencing mental scarring or trauma we have nothing to do with it.

Swiftfire: Also don't forget to send reviews to torture cats of SkyClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan, and WindClan and if you wish to torture a cat that has been tortured before just review and check the chapter again.

Icewind: Today we shall torture Ashfur.

Swiftfire: Finally!

Icewind:*looks at Swiftfire like she's insane* you're sure we shouldn't send you to rehab.

Swiftfire: Positive.

(Ashfur randomly appears)

Ashfur: WWWWhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????!!!!!

Swiftfire: Ashfur isn't so bad all you have to do is spend the whole day with Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight.*Swiftfire told them to act super flirty with each other*

Ashfur: Okay that's not so bad.

ONE FLIRTY DAY LATER

Ashfur: *rocking back and forth* she was almost mine but he took her away

Swiftfire: As you can see Ashfur needs therapy but we don't care.

Icewind: No we do not.

Swiftfire and Icewind: See ya next week!

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7/21/09

(Icestream and Icewind randomly appear)

Icestream: Swiftfire has friends.

Icewind: She met them while she was with the men in white.

Icestream: She's still there though.

Icewind: I know

Icestream:*reads dare* Ashfur!

(Ashfur randomly appears)

Ashfur: Again?

Icewind: Yep.

Ashfur: *fetal position* Not Aaagaainn!

Icestream: Too bad, I'll shoot you!*holding bazooka*

Ashfur: You're evil too? I thought you were the nice one.

Icestream: I just really hate you and I just thought you should've got Squirrelflight.

Ashfur: Why?

Icestream: Brambleclaw wouldn't have suffered the pain of Squirrelflight's lies, you deserve it.

(Barkface randomly appears)

Barkface: Hi!

Icewind: You've lived too long, just die!

Icestream & Ashfur:…

Icewind: *holding bazooka* mwahahahahaha *shoots Barkface*

Icestream: We torture, not kill.

Ashfur: *tries to sneak away*

Icestream: Oh BloodClan! *sees Ashfur*

Icewind:*ties Ashfur up*

(BloodClan randomly appears)

Icestream & Icewind: Torture him! *points to Ashfur*

BloodClan: Yay!

Icestream: Ashfur you can't die!

Ashfur: Great …

**(A/N: I will randomly name BloodClanners)**

Pansy: *slices Ashfur in half* Die!

(Ashfur returns)

Flutter: *drowns Ashfur* Drown!

(Ashfur returns)

Misty:*ties Ashfur to wood, pours liter fluid on him and lights it* Burn baby, burn!

Ashfur: Aaahhh!

(Ashfur returns)

Scrounge:*rips Ashfur to pieces* mwahahahahaha!

(Ashfur returns)

Brambleclaw: I momentarily joined BloodClan for this.*beats Ashfur with a pipe, stabs him, shoots him with a pistol, and burns him* Back to ThunderClan! Mwahahahahaha!

(Ashfur returns)

Willow: *shoots Ashfur with a bazooka* I love bazookas!

(Ashfur returns)

[This continues all day with different characters]

Ashfur: Can I die now?

Icestream: Sure.

Ashfur: Yay! *dies*

Icewind: I never thought death was good.

Icestream: It is for him.

Icewind: *gets on one knee* Icestream will you marry me?

Icestream: *screams* Yes a thousand times yes!

**With Swiftfire**

Swiftfire:*sleeping, wakes up* Somebody agreed to marry Icewind! WTF! OMS! What is wrong with the world!

Hollyleaf: It'll be alright.

Sandstorm: Is it that bad?

Swiftfire: He's my co-host

Sandstorm: Oh I get it.

**Back At The Torture Show**

Icestream & Icewind:*making out*

Icewind: See ya next week!

Icestream & Icewind:*making out*


	7. Jayfeather

Swiftfire: Welcome back I will say it one more time you can't sue me

Icewind: Today we'll torture Jayfeather

Swiftfire: I'd like to introduce my third sister Swansong

(Swansong randomly appears)

Icewind:*drools*

Swiftfire: Sorry buddy she's taken.

Icewind: Lucky guy.

Swansong: Let's bring Jayfeather out

(Jayfeather randomly appears)

Jayfeather: Oh crap you three.

Swiftfire: Yes and you must run around ShadowClan territory into the middle of camp and burst into song

Jayfeather: Fine.

Swansong: Really? Most people want to hear the punishment first.

Swiftfire and Icewind:*exchange a glance*

Jayfeather:*runs around ShadowClan territory into the camp and begins to sing with Hollyleaf, Swansong, and Swiftfire*

Fake Your Way to the Top

**Jayfeather  
**Thirteen years of solid gold platters  
Rising cost and cocktail chatter  
Fat deejays, stereophonic sound  
The game of hits goes 'round and around  
But you can fake your way to the top

'Round and around,  
Try that part baby

**Swansong  
**'Round and around!  
**Jayfeather  
**Fake your way to the top

**Swiftfire  
**'Round and around!  
**Jayfeather  
**You fit right in there sweetheart!

You can fake your way to the top

**Hollyleaf  
**'Round and around!

**Jayfeather  
**I knew you'd have it baby!

And it's always real, so real

**Girls  
**Always so real  
**Jayfeather  
**Yeah, when you're comin' down!

**Icewind (Spoken)  
**Ladies and Gentleman, the wildest man in show business, Jayfeather  
**Jayfeather  
**Oh, Help me Jesus  
**  
Girls  
**Help me, Jesus!

**Jafeather  
**Help me, help me Jesus

**Girls  
**Help me, Jesus!

**Jayfeather  
**Help me, help me Jesus

**Girls  
**Help me, Jesus!

**Jayfeather  
**Help me Jesus  
Up, back up, back up  
**Girls  
**All the way up...

**Jayfeather  
**Yeah, number one  
I know what's happenin'

**Girls  
**Doo, doot, doo doo

**Jayfeather  
**I been around  
Workin' my way

**Girls  
**Doo, doot, doo doo

**Jayfeather  
**Through every town  
I make my livin'  
**Girls  
**Doo, doot, doo doo

**Jayfeather  
**Off of my sound

**Girls  
**Doo, doot, doo doo

**Jayfeather  
**And the game of hits  
Here we go  
Goes 'round, and around, and a  
**Girls  
**'Round and around and 'round and around  
and 'round and around

**Jayfeather  
**You can fake your way to the top

**Girls  
**'Round and around!

**Jayfeather (Spoken)  
**Blow your horn!  
(Sung) Fake your way to the top  
Don'tcha know I made my way to the top  
Yes I did  
And it's always real, so real

**Girls  
**Always so real... Ooh!

**Jayfeather  
**OH!

**Girls  
**Help me, Jesus!

**Jayfeather  
**Help me, help me Jesus

**Girls  
**Help me, Jesus!

**Jayfeather**  
Help me, help me Jesus  
**Girls  
**Help me, Jesus!

**All  
**Fake my way to the top!

ShadowClan:*cheering and screaming*

Swansong, Swiftfire, and Icewind: see ya next week!


	8. Tigerstar

**(Let's pretend that the Forest Idol incident was a week before this if you don't know what I'm talking about read Forest Idol)**

(Icestream and Icewind randomly appear)

Icewind: Hello!

Icestream: Swiftfire went crazy so she's with the men in white.

Icewind: WITH HUGE NEEDLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Icestream: …

Icewind: I've been here too long.

**With Swiftfire somewhere**

Swiftfire: It was for Alicia!

Man in White: Alicia Keys?

Swiftfire: *nods*

Other man in white: What happened?

Swiftfire: She sang an Alicia Keys song badly.

Man in White: How dare she?

Other man in white: Alicia Keys is hot!

Man in white and Swiftfire: …

**Back at the torture show**

Tigerstar and Firestar are tied together

Tigerstar: Icewind I will kill you!

42 Hours later

Tigerstar: *explodes*

Firestar: Well then! Dustpelt!

Icewind and Icestream: …

Icestream and Icewind: *waves* see ya next week!


End file.
